i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
