I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my shit smells like andre
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
