shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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