i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
