Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
