too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
