Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
