its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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