she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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