Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
