I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
