i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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