thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
