Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
