The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
