She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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