When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
