sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
