WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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