Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
