so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
