are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
