Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
