how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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