I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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