Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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