She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
