I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize