I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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