just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
