Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
