Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
