so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
