I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
