she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
