so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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