do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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