I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
