its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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