I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
