And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
