All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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