We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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