Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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