In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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