our cab driver is having phone sex.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
