im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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