I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
