the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize