I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
