there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
