Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
