Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
