Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
