The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
