his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
