You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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