whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
