...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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