Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
