..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
